I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
