You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
