dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
