This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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