I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
