my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
