Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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