i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
