3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
