4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
