I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
