My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
