Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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