Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
