How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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