Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
