9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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