I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
