If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
