she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
