in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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