So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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