Christians are straight up FREAKS
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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