Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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