Ketchup is God's man juice
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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