Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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