Do you still have your period?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
