He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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