no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
