he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
