Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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