I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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