I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
