I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
