Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
