i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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