Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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