Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
