Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
