12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
