Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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