finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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