I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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