Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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