dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
