He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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