I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
