Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
