Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
