At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She bit a glass in half.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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