Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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