it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize