So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
