I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Randomize
