ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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