The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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