As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
