shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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