Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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