So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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