Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
