He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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