Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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