I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
