This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
