i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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