There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
