he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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