Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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