i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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