she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
